Football Referee Jokes

Football Jokes Collection

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I wouldn’t say the referee was bad but:

In despair, several players sent themselves off.

He scored more goals than the players.

He was substituted at half time

Even his parents shouted abuse.

He was disowned by the League for the Blind.


I wouldn’t say the referee was strict but:

He showed so many cards he got a Royal Flush

Even the crowd were frightened to move.

He ‘red carded’ four players, two ball boys, a linesman and a dog that wandered onto the pitch.

He produced so many cards the crowd thought he was a magician.

For the final ten minutes he was the only person left on the pitch.

He even ‘red carded’ himself.



I wouldn’t say the referee is short sighted but:

From time to time he has to stop and ask directions.

He is sponsored by the Opticians Guild.

Bats make jokes about him.

The names on the players’ shirts are written in Braille.

He insists that floodlights are used even on sunny days.

He once tried to book the corner flag.

He uses a grandfather clock to time the game.


Copyright Stuart Macfarlane To use please contact 


Return to Weird Websites Copyright Stuart Macfarlane To use please contact

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