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Copyright Stuart Macfarlane
Helpful
Tips for the over 50s
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Never
attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.
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Develop
the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you
need to remember.
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Use
your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your
gardening and housework.
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Avoid
the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost
youth.
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Keep
a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of
what you did yesterday.
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Cultivate
friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel
so much younger.
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Finding
your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always
keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.
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No
one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when
it’s dark.
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Modern
science enables even fifty year olds to have the youthful looks of a
teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.
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Should
you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule
– forget it!!
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Buy
a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable
of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.
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Take
the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects
– bed, fridge, television etc.
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Look
twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call
you ‘mummy’.
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Save
all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical
science may develop a means of replanting them.
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Borrow
a pram – pushing it around looks better than clutching a zimmer.
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Try
to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all the horrendous
sixties are looming.
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Remember
– Don’t Drink and Zimmer.
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