Copyright Stuart Macfarlane
Tips for the over 50s
attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.
the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you
need to remember.
your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your
gardening and housework.
the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost
a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of
what you did yesterday.
friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel
so much younger.
your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always
keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.
one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when
science enables even fifty year olds to have the youthful looks of a
teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.
you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule
– forget it!!
a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable
of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.
the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects
– bed, fridge, television etc.
twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call
all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical
science may develop a means of replanting them.
a pram – pushing it around looks better than clutching a zimmer.
to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all the horrendous
sixties are looming.
– Don’t Drink and Zimmer.