50th Birthday Jokes

 Humor for the not so young at heart

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Copyright Stuart Macfarlane



Helpful Tips for the over 50s


  • Never attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.  

  • Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.  

  • Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.

  • Avoid the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost youth.

  • Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.

  • Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.

  • Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.

  • No one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when it’s dark.

  • Modern science enables even fifty year olds to have the youthful looks of a teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.

  • Should you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule – forget it!!

  • Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.

  • Take the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects – bed, fridge, television etc.

  • Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘mummy’.

  • Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.

  • Borrow a pram – pushing it around looks better than clutching a zimmer.

  • Try to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all the horrendous sixties are looming.

  • Remember – Don’t Drink and Zimmer.




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