50th Birthday Jokes

 Humor for the not so young at heart

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Copyright Stuart Macfarlane

     The positive side of being an oldie:

  • You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.

  • You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.

  • Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local pub.

  • You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.

  • You have survived the humiliation of middle age.

  • You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any.

  • You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.

  • You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.

  • You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions.

  • You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.

  • Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine.

  • You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.

  • Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.






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