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- amust buy presents for any cat or cat owner.

Utterly Adorable Cats

By Stuart & Linda Macfarlane  Published by Exley Publications

Extracts:

What I like doing best is Nothing. I can spend a huge amount of time doing Nothing without ever tiring of it. The best time for doing Nothing is when your humans are rushing about doing Everything and you just lie back comfortably, watching.

 Miss Fluffy  2004 A.D.

To be able to practice five virtues everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect existence - selfishness, laziness, stubbornness, voracity and arrogance.

Catfucious 598 B.C.

When I’m out I want to be in. When I’m in I want to be out. And often I want to be in and out all at the same time.

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The Little Book of Calm for Cats

By Stuart & Linda Macfarlane Illustrated by Erika Oller Published by Transworld Publications

 Life is changing rapidly with each new day more chaotic than the last. These changes have been particularly horrific for cats for while a mere four thousand years ago they were revered as gods, now they must co-exist on almost equal terms with humans. This terrible comedown in status has severely shaken their self-esteem. A modern cat has so many pressures placed on it, so many commitments. There are mice to chase, curtains to scratch, humans to train .... and a vast amount of sleeping and grooming to fit in. It's not surprising that so many suffer from stress and experience burnout even before they reach their fourth life. The Little Book of Calm for Cats aims to remedy this problem by helping them find moments of calm in their frenzied existence. By following the book's advice serenity and tranquillity will once again permeate each of their nine lives.  

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Cat Humour - copyright Stuart and Linda Macfarlane

Our greatest glory is not to in never falling but in falling in such a way that we land on all fours and look as if we fell because we wanted to. – Catfuscious

Extracts from ‘The long search to find a suitable companion’ which details cats struggle to find a suitable companion to live with. ( 7040 BC )

The Elephants : These creatures were very warm and friendly during the time we stayed with them. They were very family orientated and treated us just like any other family member giving us lots of food whenever we wished. However, the constant worry of being trodden on makes them completely unsuitable for our purpose.

The Lions : None of the researchers came back from the investigation. Lions ruled out.

The Chickens : These animals expected us to peck for our own food which tasted awful anyway. The noise they made was constant and unbearable making it impossible to get a good day’s sleep. I would not recommend these animals.

The Voles : Although fairly friendly and prepared to provide us with food the quantities they gave us were rather small and we quickly got hungry. After to days we had to terminate the investigation for, to be honest, we ate the whole family.

The Humans: These creatures seemed rather stupid for they welcomed us into their homes and allowed us to completely take over. They fed us regularly and seemed to enjoy our company. They allowed us full use of their facilities such as chairs and beds and even made alterations to their house by cutting a hole in their door so we go in and out as we pleased. These creatures would be ideal for living with though we may find their inferiority rather irritating after a while. 

All things come to those who purr.

There are many secrets to getting out of trouble when you have done something bad. Choose the technique which best suits your predicament:-

Look indignant.

Purr sweetly.

Pretend to be injured.

Blame the dog.

To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue – selfishness, laziness, stubbornness, voracity and arrogance. - Catfuscious

Sometimes I dream that everything is quite perfect – that my life is totally and completely idyllic. Then I wake up and discover, to my delight, that it really is.  Socracats (442BC)

Adage of Bastet – 998 BC

The children of Ra, including your own human, still consider themselves to be powerful and important. Let them maintain this illusion by permitting them to consider themselves your equal even though they are in reality your slaves.

Adage of Bastet – 998 BC

Make your home wherever you can find a suitable sucker to tend to all your needs with love and devotion. If fortune favours you make several homes close to each other.

The Seven Paths to Enlightenment

+ Sleep

+ Nap

+ Slumber

+ Snooze

+ Doze

+ Siesta

+ Kip