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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of witty t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Worlds Best Joke
You know you're a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
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Sporting Joke
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker -'Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee!' Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - 'Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!' Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, 'Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!'
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College Humor
Watching her mother as she tried on her new mink coat, the daughter protested, 'Mom, do you realize some poor, dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat?'Her mother glared back at her and said, 'Don't talk about your father that way!'
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Funniest Joke
it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day. . . Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo. billy-bob: hey billi-jo. . . can i stick my finger in your belly-button?billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>. . . now its 11:00 at the police station. . . billy-bob: hey billi-jo. . . can i stick my finger in your belly-button?billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>. . . now its midnight. . . and the power goes out. . . !!billy-bob: hey billi-jo. . . can i stick my finger in your belly-button?billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button. billy-bob: i know. . . :> and thats not my finger!! :>
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Dumb Joke
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. The policies are effective immediately. Transportation: Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Bus service will be another prime method of transportation. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances, and only the lower fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Lodging: All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather. Meals: Meals expense are cut to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that some grocery chains provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals may be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available enroute to their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travels should seek places offering 'all you can eat' salad bars. This will be especially cost effective for employees traveling together, as a single plate could be used to feed an entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna, Spam, Pork-N-Beans, etc. can be conveniently consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation. Entertainment: Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged. If such extravagances are required on customer contracts, the customer should be encouraged top pick up the tab. Such action will save the company money, and will convince the customers that we are concerned about providing a good product, not spending money on useless frivolities. The hospitality provided to customers who will visit our facilities should also be tasteful, yet cost effective. In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster, and a garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be furnished to our guests. Miscellaneous: All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our team effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that the money raised during airport layover periods could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, 'Red Caps' will be issued to all departing employees. Tips can be earned by helping others with their luggage. Also, when you are in a restaurant don't forget to pick up little things like packs of sugar and packaged condiments for our company cafeteria.
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Bird Joke
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ? A headbanger !
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Ethnic Humor
A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a PolishMeatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, 'What a Pollack. 'The Polish man said, 'I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter andasked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew. ''Probably, ' replied the clerk. 'And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs, would you also insult him?''Probably, ' the clerk again replied. 'Why you're nothing but a bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody notlike you?'At this, the clerk replied, 'Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron. '
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Silliest Joke
The most successful lawyer in town had never made a contribution to the Red Cross. The chairman of the Red Cross, Mr. Wilson, called on the lawyer, hoping to convince him to make a donation. 'You made over $'600
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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