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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of witty retorts and other funny jokes |
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Free Adult Joke
Gets his orders from another planet. Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section. Gets parity errors under load. Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle. Goalie for the dart team. God might still use him for miracle practice. God's favorite target for lightning strikes. Goes with the flow. . . He's a bed wetter. Good at quantum tunneling but not much else. Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it. Got his brains as a stocking stuffer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference. Gyros are loose. Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether. Has a bus fault problem. Has a few wait states. Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold them together. Has a leak in his ceiling. Has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express. Has a pulse, but that's about all. Has a random memory fault. Has a slow clock. Has a sparse matrix. (Beware, 'matrix' comes from the Latin 'womb'. ) Has a two-bit operating system.
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Farmer Joke
Did you hear about the farmer's boy who hated the country ? He went to the big city and got a job as a shoeshine boy and so the farmer made hay while the sun shone !
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Naughty Joke
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, 'Haven't I seen you somewhere before?''Yes, ' she replied in a loud voice, 'I'm the receptionist at the V. D. clinic. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
More people I meet, more I like my dog. . . .
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Naughty Joke
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. 'Mrs. Brown, ' he said, 'I have some good news for you. 'The woman said, 'I'm glad of that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, ''Miss Brown, ' said the doctor without changing expression, 'I have bad news for you. '
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Simple Joke
I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim Ahead of my legions I invaded her regions I saw, I conquered, I came!
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, 'Why did you do that?' The drunk said very apologetically, 'I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?' The bartender answered, 'Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?' The drunk replied, 'I never thought of that. Maybe I will. ' The bartender said, 'Don't come back until you do get help, ' and the drunk left. About three months later the drunk came back to the same bar, ordered another gin and tonic, drank half of it, and poured the rest of it on the bartender. The bartender shouted, 'I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!' The drunk replied, 'I did. Now I don't feel ashamed. '
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Funny Famous Joke
'Doctor Doctor i feel like a bridge!''What's come over you?''2 buses, 3 motorbikes and a train. ''Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pack of cards!''I'll deal with you later. ''Doctor Doctor - I feel like a needle!''I see your point. ''Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!''Pull yourself togerther man!''Doctor Doctor - I have 59 seconds to live!''Wait a minute will ya!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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