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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of winnie the pooh fun and games and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track. He fell asleep, and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail, he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head------Do you know what the moral of the story is?Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!
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Love and Marriage Joke
Married life is frustrating.
The first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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Answer me this Joke
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
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Computer Joke
What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.
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Joke for Halloween
10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. Fat clothes 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell 4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow 3. Eyelash curlers 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made And the number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN
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Mother Joke
Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq? They're all men! How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor. . . . and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass destruction?
I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in. Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of dope. Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the attic beneath the rafters. They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away. They can tell when the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a chocolate cake. A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from a block away. By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to question, she can read an offender's eyes quicker than a homicide detective. So. . . considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats?
My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand, grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, 'Young man, do you have any weapons of mass destruction?' And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into a nuclear bomb and say, 'Uh, huh, and what do you call this, mister?' Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across his bare bottom with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the whole of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole damn summer.
Inspectors my butt . . . You want the job done? Call my mother.
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Farmer Joke
Tell me, said the hiker to the local farmer, 'will this pathway take me to the main road?' 'No, sir, ' replied the farmer, 'you'll have to go by yourself!'
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Computer Joke
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, 'It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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