Weird Websites

Weird web sites news. All the info on weird websites. Weird Websites is best place on the internet for weird web sites, strange facts, bizarre humor websites, weird posters, funny joke of the day, weird jokes, funny pictures, silly riddles weird poems, insane weird web sites, famous quotes, funny posters, stupid photos and so much more . . .

Weird News	Joke Archive	Just Weird	Weird Websites	Weird Pics
Weird Jokes	Weird eBay	Weird Poems	Weird Quotes	Weird Games
Weird al lyrics	Weird Art	Weird Riddles	Weird Chocolate	Weird Illusions
Cheap posters & t-shirts	Weird Webcams	Weird Auctions	Humor Posters	More Weird Websites

The Best Humor Sites on the Internet

Christmas Jokes

notMENSA society for the stupid

Cheap posters

Raunchiest Riddles

Worst Jobs in the World

Everything you want to know about everything!

Work from Home
World History

Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and . . . everything!!!

Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes, 50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles and 2 combine harvesters.

So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut as soon as possible!!!

Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes

Archive of wind up jokes and other funny jokes

Bar Joke - 1

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, 'What'll it be buddy?'The man says, 'Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles. ' The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. 'You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have. ' The bartender hastily asks, 'What do you have pal?' The man quickly replies, 'I have a dollar. '

= = = = = = = = = =

School Joke

What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.

= = = = = = = = = =

Criminal Joke

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, 'Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new. . . ' He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, 'Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new. . . ' He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, 'Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again. . . '

= = = = = = = = = =

Old Age Joke

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1. 50, he couldn't help but comment, 'The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents. '

'Well, sir,' the attendant replied with a grin, 'You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now. . '

= = = = = = = = = =

Funny Famous Joke

DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. . . Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. . . . . . . . . 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -1 You leave the toilet seat up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. . . . . . . -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. -2 You check out a suspicious noise at night . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 You pummel it with a six iron. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -2 Named Tiffany. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -4 Tiffany is a dancer. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -6 Tiffany has implants. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -8HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Okay, it is a sports bar. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -10THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -20 You forget your anniversary. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -60A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 You take her to a movie she likes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 You take her to a movie you hate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 You take her to a movie you like. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -2 It's called DeathCop3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -3 Which features cyborgs having sex. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. . . . . . . . . . . -15FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it . . . . . 20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself . . . . . . . 30 And she contracts Lyme disease. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -25YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. . 1 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -30 You say 'I don't care because you have one too' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -800FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -5 Something she can't use. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -10 Such as a motorized model airplane. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -40DRIVING You lost the directions on a trip. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -10 You don't stop to ask directions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 You stop and ask for directions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -25 You know them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -60THE BIG QUESTION She asks, 'Do I look fat?' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -10 You reply, 'Where?'. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . -35COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes. . . . . . . . . 5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. . 10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . -20

= = = = = = = = = =

Math Joke

There are three kinds of mathematicians:
those who can count and those who can't.
There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don't.

= = = = = = = = = =

Various animal Joke

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp? Something that stinks and stings!

= = = = = = = = = =

Funny School Kids Joke

What kind of doctors are like spiders?Spin doctors!

<-- Previous | Next -->

Note : Many of our jokes have been submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let us know and they will be removed immediately.

Send your favourite weird stuff to s(at)q30.net and we may include it on weird websites.

Jokes, translations, photos and other contents of this weird website are copyright S.Macfarlane. To use any jokes or content of weird websites please contact
s(at)q30.net

www.Weird-Websites.com is a probably not a trademark of Megahumour International Laughter and Interplanetory Joke Corporation - it should not be confused with any website found free in cereal boxes. If you think this site is weird you obviously have not visited our weird poster store - why not?! It's the best place for framed and unframed posters - go there now!!