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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wholesome jokes and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone. The vet asked, 'Is anything happening?'The doctor replied, 'Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily. 'The vet said, 'okay' and the doctor went on the fishing trip. When he returned, he called the vet. 'How did things go while I was gone?' 'Pretty good. ' 'Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?' 'Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine. ' 'Did you have any trouble?' 'Well, there was just one little problem. ' 'What was that?' 'I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!'
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School Joke
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell 'naughty' stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.
The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. 'They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France. '
The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.
'Young ladies,' said the professor with a broad smile, 'the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon. '
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Travel Joke
AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLETCan Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGEDumb Old Dirty Gas EaterDrips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FORDFix Or Repair DailyFound On Road, DeadFast Only Rolling Downhill GMGeneral Maintenance GMCGarage Man's Companion HONDAHad One Never Did AgainHappy Owners Never Drive Anything else. Hated Old Noisy Damaged AutoHYUNDAIHope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive? MAZDAMost Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILEOld Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment SAABSend Another Automobile Back TOYOTAToo Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVOVery Odd Looking Vehicular Object VWVirtually Worthless
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Frog Joke
When is a car like a frog ? When it's becing toad !
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Government Humor
What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?Kneel to the Chief!
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Vampire Joke
Why wouldn't the vampire eat his soup? It clotted.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
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Kids Puns
A computer was something on TV From a science fiction show A window was something you hated to clean. . . . And RAM was the cousin of a goat. . . . . MEG was the name of my girlfriend And GIG was your middle finger upright Now they all mean different things And that really MEGA bytesAn application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a pianoMemory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2' floppy You hoped nobody found outCompress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a whileLog on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commodeCut you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the fluI guess i'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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