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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of west end comedy and other funny jokes |
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Blonde Joke - 1
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
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Love and Marriage Joke
Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Worse: She's a lawyer
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Ant Joke
What do you call an ant who skips school ? A truant !
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Christmas Joke - 1
The similarities between Santa and System Admins1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, 'Elves make it for me. '5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines. 6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves. 7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions. 8. Santa laughs entirely too much. 9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME. 10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
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Joke Online
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.
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Easy to Remember Joke
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1. 5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1. 5 gallons?' The blonde said, 'I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive. ' The milkman replied, 'Oh, OK. Pasteurized?' The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said. . . 'No. Just up to my boobs. '
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Restaurant Joke
What flavors of ice cream do you have? inquired the customer. 'Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate, ' answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, 'Do you have laryngitis?' 'No. . . . ' replied the new waitress with some effort, 'just. . . erm. . . . vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate. '
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Old Age Joke
There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate. Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going. 'How you doing today?', she said to the old man, 'First day I see'. The Old man replied with a nod. In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful. As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, 'My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too. ' 'That's okay. ', said the old man, 'I feel so much better being able to talk to someone. ' Looking into the bowl the orderly said, 'I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!' The old man responded, 'That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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