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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird writing fonts and other funny jokes |
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Telephone Joke
At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. 'I'm sorry if I woke you, ' said a voice at the other end of the line. 'That's all right, ' said the vet, 'I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway. '
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Insect Joke
What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp.
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Weird Women Joke
A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands. 8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee. 9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee. 10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex and pee. 11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A. M. waking husband but instead of giving him head, go and pee.
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Yo momma Joke
Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming poeple thinks shes and oil spill.
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Dirty Joke
Two postmen are on break having a cigarette. While on this break one postman says 'Hey look at that snail'. The other postman looks down and shouts 'Yazooo' and step steps on the snail. Postman 1 looks at him and says 'Why'd you do that'. Postman2 replys 'Because that swine has been following me all day. '
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Simple Joke
I don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, 'As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top. '
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Insect Joke
Who is the bees favourite singer ? Sting !
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Dirty Joke
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. 'I'll only marry you under three conditions. ' she said. 'Anything, anything, ' said the ambassador. 'First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement. 'Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, 'Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!' The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation. 'Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France. ' The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, 'Yes, yes, I build, I build!' The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. 'Finally, ' she said. 'I'll only marry you, if you have a 10 inch tool. 'A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, 'Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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