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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird usernames and other funny jokes |
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Stupid Blonde Joke
Q:How can you tell if a blond has been sleepwalking? A:When you look in the refridgorator and there's lipstick all over the pickles.
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Children Joke
Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake ? 'Quick, ' said one, 'run ! Before they say we did it !
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Computer Joke
Customer: 'I've been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically -- but there's a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time. ' Tech Support: 'Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?' Customer: 'Of course I am. That's why I bought it. ' Tech Support: 'Sir, do you know what Monte-Carlo analysis does?' Customer: 'Don't get rude with me, of course I do. ' Tech Support: 'Put briefly, sir, it runs through your project several times, throwing random delays in, and at the end it averages out the results. ' Customer: 'I know all that -- what I want to know is why it keeps giving me different answers every time I run it. '
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Weird Women Joke
The Perfect Day - Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love 11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms The Perfect Day - Him 6:45 Alarm. 7:00 Shower and massage. 7:30 Blowjob. 7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section. 8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys. 8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens. 12:30 Blowjob. 12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini. 3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit. 7:30 Shit, shower, shave. 8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals). 9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero 10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries 11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob Sleep
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Ghost Joke
What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall? The nightmayor.
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Politics Humor
Definition:Politics Poli (Poly): Many. . . . Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures
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Dumb Blonde Joke
(Q) Why don't blondes use vibrators? (A) Because they are scared they might chip thier teeth!!!Sent by T. L. Glenn
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Old People Joke
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, 'Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?'
'Outstanding,' Fred replied. 'They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me. '
'That's great! What was the name of the clinic?'
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, 'What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?'
'You mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's it!' He turned to his wife. . . 'Rose, what was the name of that clinic?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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