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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird sunglasses and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach. Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it. Patient sticks out his tongue. . .
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Military Joke
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said 'you are all wrong, the army is now your home'. Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say 'you bet I do' the sergeant replied, 'men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?
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Hair and bald Joke
What do you call a proton with big hair? A 'froton.
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Joke for Kids
Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading 'Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation'. Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and said , 'Doctor, tell me your fee. I am a very rich man and will pay whatever you ask'. Mr. Picasso', the doctor replied 'I only ask my usual fee of $100. ''Well then', continued Picasso, 'To reward you handsomely, I will paint a mural on your waiting room wall. When I am finished, we will invite the art critics to see it. 'The doctor agreed to this offer because the room needed a paint job anyway. So Picasso labors behind a curtain for three weeks and when he is finished, invitations are sent to the press for a showing. On the chosen date the critics crowd into the waiting room and when all are ready, Picasso pulls down the curtain and there on the wall is a great big eye. Thats all, just a giant size eye. 'Great', the critics all exclaim. 'This is one of Picasso's greatest masterpieces'. Picasso nudges the doctor and says 'Well, Sam, what did I tell you?'The doctor replies 'Its a good thing I'm not a gynecologist!'
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Food Joke
The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called 'The Fission Chips. '
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Joke Online
I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs. Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick. You should have been born in the Dark Ages you look terrible in the light. All of your ancestors must number in the millions it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up. After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us. You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
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Frog Joke
What do you call a rich frog ? A golf blooded reptile !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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