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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird stuff to buy and other funny jokes |
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Accountant Joke
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: 'Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary. ' When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: 'Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. '
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Zoo Joke
What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.
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Joke for Halloween
Once there were three surgeons engaged in conversation. They got on the topic of their occupation and each stated who they liked tooperate on. The first doctor said, 'I like to work on electricians. ''Why?' the others replied. He answered, 'When you open them up, they are all color coded so you knowwhere everything goes. 'The second doctor said, 'I like to work on librarians. ''Why?' the other doctors asked. He replied, 'Librarians are all orgainized in a sophisticated pattern. 'The third doctor said, 'Well, I like to work on lawyers. ''Lawyers?!' replied the others suprised. 'Yes, Lawyers' he stated. 'But why?' they asked him. 'Well, they are gutless, they have no spine, and their heads and butts areinterchangable. '
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Heaven and hell Joke
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang. walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, 'God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?'. God replied, 'Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell. ' St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling 'God, God, they're gone, they're gone!' 'Who, the New Yorkers?'. 'No, the Pearly Gates. '
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Dirty Joke
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. ' 'Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell. ' 'My dear, ' the doctor said, 'That's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is. ' 'The problem is, ' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
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Bus Joke
Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
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Mad Joke
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. 'This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?' The first blonde answered, 'That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!' The policeman said, 'Well. . . uh. . . that's because the picture shows his profile. ' Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, 'This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?' The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, 'Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily replied, 'What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?' Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, 'This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?' He quickly added, 'And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic. ' The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, 'Hmmmm. . . The suspect wears contact lenses. ' The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. 'Well, that's an interesting answer. . . Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that. ' He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. 'Wow!' he said, 'I can't believe it. . . It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?' 'That's easy, ' the blonde replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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