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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird smileys and other funny jokes |
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Joke of the Day
There were two guys sitting in a plane. The one guy says lets play a game, I'll ask you a question if you get it right I give you 5 dollars. So the other guy says fine if you get it right, I give you 50 dollars, if you get it wrong you give me5. The guy says ok. He asks him what his name was the guy didn't know it so he payed him 5 dollars. So the other guy asks what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with4. He thinks and thinks but doesn't know so he pays him 50 dollars. He asks what does go up ahill with 3 legs and comes down with4. The guy hands him 5 dollars.
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American Joke
How many times did employers fire Saddam Hussein?
Answer: Only once, the CIA paid for the rest of his work.
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American Joke
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an
Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat
field and the Texan says, 'Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least
twice as large. '
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off
his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, 'We have longhorns
that are at least twice as large as your cows. '
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a
herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, 'And what are
those?'
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any
grasshoppers in Texas?'
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Dead and dying Joke
A man is calling on his best friend to pay a condolence call the day after the friend's wife has died. When he knocks on the door, he gets no answer, so he decides to go in and see if everything is all right. Upon entering the house, the man discovers his friend in the living room kissing a mate. 'Jack', says the man, 'Your wife just died yesterday!!' His friend looks up and says, 'In this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?'
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Doctor Joke
Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.
She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy.
'My,' said the census taker, 'that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?'
'Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anaesthesiologist!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bumbry ! Bumbry who ? Bumbry tuna !
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Mad Joke
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. 'You'll get your chance in court. ' said the Desk Sergeant. 'No, no no!' said the man. 'I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!'
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Yo Mama Joke
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Yo mama so fat her nickname is 'Lardo' Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo mama so fat were in her right now Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her. . . Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions! Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says 'okay!' Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said 'Taxi!' Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear 'Caution! Wide Turn' Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read 'one at a time, please' Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock. Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code! Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon! Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved! Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L. A. , Chicago. . . Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg. Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white and chunky! Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side! Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections! Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose. Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar! Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell! Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!! Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book! Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views! Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil! Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon! Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand! Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper! Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out! Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights! Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car! Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out! Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans! Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say 'Taxi!' Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway! Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller! Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale and it goes one at a time please Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it! Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck! Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground. Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep. Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo mama so fat she influences the tides. Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out. Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World. Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips. Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones. Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas. Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes. Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket. Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back! Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial. Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose. Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean. . . . . Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E. T. , but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse. Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl. Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean. Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway. Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, 'Who threw that rock?' Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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