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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird screensavers and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower !
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Instrument Joke
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light. Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?A: It took him four hours to get the bass player out. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. The piano player can do that with his left hand. The annoying drumsThis guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks 'Wow, this is cool. ' He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums. This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, 'Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep. 'The manager says, 'No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop. ''Why?''When drums stop. . . bass solo begins. '
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Situations Humor
An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has an orifice in the side and he invites each one of the men to 'take the pleasures' of the barrel to their heart's content. Soon a full-fledged hedonistic orgy is underway. The men are cheerful once again and morale is boosted. Things reach such a frenzy that even the captain's dog has a go. Once the party is over and the barrel is full of the team's spirit, it is bunged up and thrown overboard. The ship sails away. A few days later the barrel comes ashore on the beach of a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. The only inhabitants of the island are the nuns who have founded their convent there. The nuns find the barrel and open it. They don't recognize the contents and take it to be wax, from which they fashion candles. Of course, nuns being nuns, they use the candles in the way only nuns can. Nine months later an inordinate number of babies appear inexplicably on the island. One of the nuns is very guilty about her sins and approaches the Mother Superior for confession. 'Forgive me, Mother. I have had a baby. ' The Mother Superior says, 'That's nothing, my child. I've had puppies. '
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Joke for Holidays
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?A: More head room.
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Humor Joke
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says. . . 'What did you do that for!'
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Travel and tourist Joke
What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel? I'm sorry to leave, now that I've almost bought the place.
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Joke for Speeches
Saint Peter was having a slow day at the Pearly Gates so he took a little stroll. He noticed that the fence between heaven and hell was in need of some repair. So he hollers over the fence to Lucifer. Saint Peter: 'This fence needs some repair. I'll see to it that it gets fixed if you will help pay for it. 'Lucifer: 'If you want it fixed, you pay for it. ' Saint Peter: 'The fence is partly your responsibility and you will help pay for it or I will sue you for that amount. 'Lucifer: 'Ha!! And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Amazon ! Amazon who ? Amazon of a gun !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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