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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird places to stay and other funny jokes |
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Politics Humor
WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service, ' DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
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Relationships Joke
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say 'Uh-huh' or 'Yes dear' or 'I'm sorry' ?
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ? Cookie ! Cookie who ? Cookie quit and now I have to make all the food !
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School Joke
The College Food Chain THE DEANLeaps tall buildings in a single boundIs more powerful than a locomotiveIs faster than a speeding bulletWalks on waterGives policy to GodTHE DEPARTMENT HEADLeaps short buildings in a single boundIs more powerful than a switch engineIs just as fast as a speeding bulletTalks with GodPROFESSORLeaps short buildings with a running start and favorable windsIs almost as powerful as a switch engineIs faster than a speeding BBWalks on water in an indoor swimming poolTalks with God if a special request is honoredASSOCIATE PROFESSORBarely clears a quonset hutLoses tug of war with a locomotiveCan fire a speeding bulletSwims wellIs occassionally addressed by GodASSISTANT PROFESSORMakes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildingsIs run over by locomotivesCan sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injuryTreads waterTalks to animalsINSTRUCTORClimbs walls continuallyRides the railsPlays Russian RouletteWalks on thin icePrays a lotGRADUATE STUDENTRuns into buildingsRecognizes locomotives two out of three timesIs not issued ammunitionCan stay afloat with a life jacketTalks to wallsUNDERGRADUATE STUDENTFalls over doorstep when trying to enter buildingsSays 'Look at the choo-choo'Wets himself with a water pistolPlays in mud puddlesMumbles to himselfDEPARTMENT SECRETARYLifts buildings and walks under themKicks locomotives off the tracksCatches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats themFreezes water with a single glanceShe IS God.
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Golf Joke
A woman goes to confession. Father I have sinned, last week I was playing golf and I used a profanity. The priest asks her to explain herself. Well Father I teed off the first and sliced the ball into the trees, Ah, so thats when you swore? says the priest, no she says, Luckily I had a clear view to the fairway so I took an 8 iron, topped the ball and it went into a bunker! So you lost your temper and used bad language? He says. Goodness no, I was walking towards the bunker when a Kestrel swooped down, picked up the ball and dropped it about 18 inches from the hole. The priest holds his head in his hands. You missed the F*****g putt didn't you?
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw '911' on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
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Fishing Joke
Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. 'Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away. ' 'Now come on, David, ' his mother said, 'a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off. ' 'But That's just what I did, mommy. '
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Military Joke
Q. 'Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?' A. 'So that if the seat falls while they're drinking, it won't smack them in the back of the head'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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