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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird mothers day present and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.
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Easy to Remember Joke
A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife 'Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!' She ignores the remark. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, 'If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken. '
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Statistics and Math Joke
A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic. 'Hey, don't worry, it's just every 10000th flight that crashes. ''1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!''Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It's much more probable that you go from a crashing to a non-crashing plane than the other way round. So you are already at 1:10000 squared. '
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Computers Joke
If Apple made toasters. . . It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 yearsearlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you whenit popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be alittle picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, thesetoasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools toeven open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but allthe bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted onthe MacToaster.
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Situation Joke
'Mom, I'm pregnant. ''How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?''That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. 'I feel terrible, ' he explained. 'I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it. ' The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, ' What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?' The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: ''Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave. '
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Bible Joke
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said 'Stop! Don't do it!' 'Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!' 'Like what?' 'Well . . . are you religious or atheist?' 'Religious. ' 'Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?' 'Christian. ' 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?' 'Protestant. ' 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?' 'Baptist. ' 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?' 'Baptist Church of God. ' 'Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?' 'Reformed Baptist Church of God. ' 'Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of '1879
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Priceless Joke
One Day The President was out jogging without his guards. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some busheswith a gun. The masked man said 'Give me all your money!'Unwilling to do so, the President said, 'You can't do this, I'm thePresident!' The man then replied, . . . 'Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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