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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird letter generator and other funny jokes |
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Fun Joke
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, 'I haven't eaten anything in four days. 'She looked at him and said, 'God, I wish I had your willpower. '
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Dumb Joke
1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper. 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout. 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner. 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong. 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it. 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey. 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter. 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat. 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis. 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse. 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member. 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool. 18. The right selection! Protect your erection. 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil. 20. A crank with armor will never harm her. 21. If yo really love her, wear a cover. 22. Don't make a mistake! Muzzle your snake. 23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. 24. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket. 25. No glove, No love. 26. Don't be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy. 27. AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke. 28. Even though you're tired and sleepy, take the time to wrap your pee-pee. 29. You know you shouldy wear a condom on that woody.
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Police Joke
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, 'How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?''No, ma'am, ' explained the officer, 'it's your foot. '
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Totally Weird Joke
Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, in conjunction with research associate Dr. Ed Bluestone of the Surgeon General's office, has compiled for non-confidential distribution a list of activities which, while not definitely linked to death or established as causative factors in any specific form of physical or physiological deterioration, have been determined through exhaustive reiteration to be detrimental to the human condition and specifically to the welfare of their perpetrator. While implementation of any of these activities is not specifically illegal as cited by state or federal jurisdictions, engagement in any of said activities could very probably be construed as a gross breach of common etiquette constraints and/or moral codes and analogs. Widespread or accelerated participation in any of the listed activities by an increasing or superannuated segment of the population would be frowned on by and erosive to all reasonable, respected, and stalwart facets of American society. The Surgeon General warns:1. Never raise your hand during a hijacking to indicate that you get a kosher meal. 2. Never ask a bald man if you can borrow his toupee to clean your windshield. 3. Never moon a werewolf. 5. Never squeeze a parakeet to death while screaming, 'I want the name of your accomplice!'6. Never threaten to punish your Dalmation with spot remover. 7. Never use a bulldog as a surrogate mother. 8. Never hire an attorney who can discuss specific episodes of The Flintstones. 9. Never trust an Oriental dentist who sells miniature ivory animals. 10. Never ask a dog with rabies if he would like you to floss his teeth. 11. Never believe your dog when he tells you that while you were out, your parents came over and drank water out of your toilet. 12. Never take a cockroach hostage and expect anyone to negotiate with you. 13. Never walk your dog around someone else's living room with a pooper scooper in your hand. 14. Never say to a lobster before you boil him, 'Let me know if your bath is too hot. '15. Never tell an IRS auditor that if he doesn't leave you alone, you plan to cheat again next year. 16. Never tell Yasser Arafat that you think Newark should be the Palestinian homeland.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion
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Christmas Joke - 1
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised. ) FOUR hours of recorded whale songs THREE deconstructionist poets TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and. . . ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)* *Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
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Bible Joke
An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either.
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Law Enforcement Joke
When Mike got arrested, they told him, 'Anything you say will be held against you. ' Mike said, 'Claudia Schiffer's breasts. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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