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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird gifts for men and other funny jokes |
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Humor Joke
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic. 'Everything ok with your car now?''Yes, thank goodness, ' the blonde replies. 'Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?''Yeah, but he didn't. I was SO RELIEVED when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!'
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Village Idiot Joke
Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Too many freaks, not enough circus's!
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?A: An IN-body experience!Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?A: Cause their balls show! Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?A: It's the only car name they can spell. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A: Introduces herself. Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?A: Locking the car door.
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Joke for Speeches
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, 'Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?'The trembling monkey says, 'You are, mighty lion!Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, 'Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?'The terrified ox stammers, 'Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!'On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, 'Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?'Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant -'Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!'
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Political Joke
The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, 'Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing. ' The little girl says, 'Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats. ' Bill declines and jogs onward. The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again. 'You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats. ' The girl says, 'I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now. ' Bill says, 'They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?' She says, 'Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open. '
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Easy to Remember Joke
From Reader's Digest, June 1992:I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune. So, I've restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby. After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
One more repo and I’ll be debt free!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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