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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird gift ideas and other funny jokes |
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Funniest Joke
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, 'Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven. 'Davidson thinks about it and says, 'I wanna hang out with God, Himself. 'The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, 'Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?'God says, 'Ah, yes. ''Well, ' says Davidson, 'You have some major design flaws in your invention:1. There's too much front end protrusion. 2. It chatters at high speeds. 3. The rear end wobbles too much, and4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust. ''Hmmm. . . ' replies God, 'hold on. 'God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. 'It may be that my invention is flawed, ' God replies to Arthur Davidson, 'but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours!'
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Dirty Joke
Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
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Weirdest Joke
On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris. . . a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs. Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male. T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head. Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable. On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him. . If you must chew gum and smoke, do not do both at the same time. Eat the food on your plate only. Leave his food for him. Be a bitch, not a nag. . . Bitchy females get the men. Don't pay much attention to the anger your man expresses before dinner. He is hungry and everything bothers him. Gourmet cooking is not required for most men. However, most women would do better in attracting a man if they devoted a fraction of the time they spent in learning bedroom techniques to learning kitchen techniques. On SexNever deny sex, because that dooms any ideas of his marrying you. Don't expect him to sleep on crumpled or wet sheets. If necessary, you should sleep on the wet spot. Do not ridicule the size of his penis or make unfavorable comparisons to other males. If you are overweight, it may be best if you avoid pressing down on him when you are on top. A typical male will lay almost any female if there are no repercussions. Always play it safe sexually by consenting only to acts that are generally acceptable. Place the burden of deviation upon him. One step you can take to enhance a sexual encounter is to evoke some anger in your male, but not furor, before sex. After sex, the male is exhausted and has no immediate need of you as a female. . . After intercourse, the man will have little energy left. Be prepared to revive him with coffee, sweets, and appetizing snacks. If the relationship continues to be nonsexual after an extended period of time, the man may not be normal. If a man suffers from premature ejaculation, just make him prolong satisfaction slightly so he holds out an extra moment. Let us say it takes him a minute to satisfy. . . Bet him that the next time you have sex, he will satisfy in a minute and a half. Prepare yourself emotionally for the sex act by fancying yourself in the presence of a surrogate partner you have longed for in the past. If you have fired up your imagination to a climactic state, your man can easily satisfy you. Virginity is looked upon favorably by some religious fanatics, recent immigrants from tradition-bound societies, and men who have never had sex. The typical male views virginity in the mature female as a curse, not a blessing. . If an adult woman tells her male that she is a virgin, he is likely to wonder why no man has wanted her before. On Things Women Know About MenMen love to tell their stories! They love to tell about themselves to a point that they become boring. Anticipation conditions a conventional male, who was on the losing side of the revolution, into believing he will receive something of great value in the initial and subsequent sexual acts. If we tell our males at six P. M. that we are lovely, they may have the mental energy to fight off this idea. . . If your male is particularly tired and exhausted, he is especially susceptible to your suggestions. His exhaustion is especially useful for implanting the ideas of your worth, especially that you are lovely, good, desirable, and would be the perfect wife.
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Naughty Joke
Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked
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Funny Joke
your family is so poor. . . . . . . . . . the family vehicle is a skateboard.
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Blonde Joke - 3
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: 'You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box. 'The blonde answered, 'No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail. '
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Situation Joke
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are draggingtheir right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the otherknowingly, points at his foot and says, 'Vietnam, 1969. ' The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, 'Dog shit, 20 feetback. '
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Frog Joke
Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ? They always want to play leap frog with him
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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