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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird fish t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Burger Joke
Which burgers can tell your fortune? Medium burgers!
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Old People Joke
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, 'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing. ' The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
'This recession's really putting a big dent in my income,' he told them. 'From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans. '
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
'Look,' he said, 'I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?'
'A lousy quarter?' the drum leader exclaimed. 'If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!'
And the old man enjoyed peace.
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Ethnic Humor
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying tothe Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some verybad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this planewill be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island belowus that should be able to accommodate our landing. This islandappears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. Sothe odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to liveon the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of ourlives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, 'Esther, did we payour pledge to the Yeshiva yet?''No Morris!' she responded. Morris smiles, then asks, 'Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?''Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!'Now Morris laughs. 'One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?''Oy Morris I forgot that one too!'Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, 'So what are you smiling and laughing about?'Morris responds, 'They'll find us!!'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I got a sweater for Christmas. . . I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
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Blonde Joke - 2
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!
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Vampire Joke
Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.
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Halloween Joke
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Why don't Jewish mothers drink? Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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