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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird fish macaroni and other funny jokes |
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Clinton Joke
Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first? A: Who cares!
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Best Joke Online
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmacist and asks, 'How much for a box of rubbers?''They're $1 for a box of '3
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Joke for Speeches
'Fresh in from the JokesGalore. com News Wire. . . 'According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of stopping. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded we have more breaking news. . . We are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song!Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal. . . stay tuned. . .
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Old Age Joke
Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, 'Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?'
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
'Well,' asked Mrs. Silver, 'is she all right?'
'She's fine, except that she's pissed at you. '
'At me?' the woman exclaimed. 'Whatever for?'
'She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'' snickered Timmy.
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Dentist Joke
I'm suffering from bad breath You should do something about it! I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist.
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Joke for Speeches
Katz's Law:Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted. Churchill's Commentary on Man:Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. Sattinger's Law:It works better if you plug it in. Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):When all else fails, read the instructions. Beckhap's Law:Beauty times brains equals a constant. Cole's Axiom:The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. Jone's Motto:Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. The Ultimate Law:All general statements are false. Knight's Law:Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans. Krueger's Observation:A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government. Benchley's Law of Distinction:There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't. Harver's Law:A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Rule of Accuracy:When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Finagle's First Law:If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. Finagle's Third Law:In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. Rudin's Law:In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit. Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:Everything goes wrong all at once. O'Toole's Commentary:Murphy was an optimist. Murphy's Constant:Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. Firestone's Law of Forecasting:Chicken Little only has to be right once. Ralph's Observation:It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry. Murphy's 3rd Military Law:Friendly fire ain't. Murphy's 4th Military Law:The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. Murphy's 5th Military Law:The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it. Murphy's 6th Military Law:The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. Murphy's 7th Military Law:The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short. Murphy's 8th Military Law:Incoming fire has the right of way. Murphy's 9th Military Law:If your advance is going well, you're walking into an ambush. Murphy's 10th Military Law:The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small. Murphy's 11th Military Law:If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. Murphy's 13th Military Law:The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire. Clarke's Third Law:Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Weiler's Law:Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Peter's Placebo:An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:People are always available for work in the past tense. Grossman's Misquote:Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers. Ducharme's Precept:Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Perkin's Postulate:The bigger they are, the harder they hit. Conway's Law:In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired. Stewart's Law of Retroaction:It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Horngren's Observation (generalized):The real world is a special case. Shirley's Law:Most people deserve each other. Gold's Law:If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Colson's Law:When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Comin's Law:People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. Mencken's Metalaw:For every human problem there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong. Sevareid's Law:The chief cause of problems is solutions. Thoreau's Law:If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life. Gerrold's Pronouncement:The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind. Hane's Law:There is no limit to how bad things can get. Alan's Law:All things being equal, you lose.
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Funny College Joke
Yo Mama is so fat that when she sleeps around the house, she sleeps AROUND the house.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle. I see your point! Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad? Well, I ouldn't start watching any new soap operas!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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