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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird fish jumpers and other funny jokes |
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Cow Joke
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail!
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Great Joke
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. 'Now, class. Observe closely the worms, ' said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. 'Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?' the professor asked. Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded. . . 'Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!'
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Sporting Joke
Why was the football team at the bank? They wanted to get their quarterback.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ' OOOOOhhh that looks like semen. ' She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says 'It feels like semen. 'The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says 'It smells like semen. ' The blonde, reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, 'It doesn't taste like anyone in this building . . . '
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Friendship Joke
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. 'Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!' Then he gave her a stern look and asked, 'Have you been fooling around on me?' The wife just smiled sweetly and said, 'Not this time'!
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Miscellaneous Joke
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin. ' 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?' 'Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was. . . God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!' 'Good, ' said the new husband, 'but, why?' 'You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!'
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Police Joke
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The 'disturbance' turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, 'I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini. 'The giant nodded. 'If I had some chains, ' the deputy continued, 'you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?'Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. 'I can't get out of these, ' the giant growled. 'Are you sure?' the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. 'Nope, ' he replied. 'I can't do it. ''In that case, ' said the deputy, 'you're under arrest. '
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Blonde Joke - 2
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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