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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird fish clothing and other funny jokes |
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Humor Joke
How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
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Golf Joke
Jesus and Arnold Palmer were playing golf. It's Arnold's turn to tee off, and he does so. It's a long drive straight up the fairway, and he's about a five iron off the green. 'Not bad,' Jesus says. A Jesus step up to tee off, but His drive slices badly and lands on an island in the middle of a water hazard. Jesus calmly walks across the water to take his next shot.
'Jesus!' yells Palmer, 'Who do you think you are, Jack Nicklaus?'
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Funny Men Joke
Why does it take 100 sperm to fertilize 1 egg?Because men won't stop for directions!
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Computer Joke
Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing everything correctly, and it still wasn't working, only to make you get up from your nice comfy seat to walk over to the other side of the room and do it yourself. Invariably, after it works the first time for you, the response is, 'That's WHAT I TYPED THE FIRST TIME!' Obviously not.
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Funny Famous Joke
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something. So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams in disgust. 'What's the matter?' asked his wife. 'Did I hurt you?''No, ' replies the man, 'but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders. '
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Fun Joke
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. 'Where's Henry? one of his campmates asked. ''Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail. ''You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!''A tough call, ' nodded the hunter, 'but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Pull my finger.
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Silliest Joke
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink. . . GIRL : Why not ??BOY : I'm broke. BOY : May I hold your hand??GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??BOY : What time was it??GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!BOY : You love me. . . GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever. . BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??BOY : I love you and I could die for you!GIRL : How soon??SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. Man : You remind me of the sea. Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?Man : NO, because you make me sick. Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly. Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two. Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated. Lily : So what do you do?Sam : I close my eyes. Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water? Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week. Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake? Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it? It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. 'What are you charged with?' he asked. 'Doing my Christmas shopping early, ' replied the defendant. 'That's no offense, ' replied the judge. 'How early were you doing this shopping?''Before the store opened, ' countered the prisoner.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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