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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird england and other funny jokes |
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Gorilla Joke
Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies? Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter, there's a Gorilla in my soup!'
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Blonde Joke - 2
One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look. An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes 'What the hell is she doing?' An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, 'My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail. '
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Insect Joke
Who is the bees favourite pop group ? The bee gees !
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Father Joke
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, 'My name begins with the letter 'M' and I p
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Kids Puns
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady. 'May I buy you a drink?' the man asks the lady. 'Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man, ' she responds. 'Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me, ' the man says shocked, 'Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?''No, ' she says calmly. 'What about when they cut off your. . ''No, ' she says hesitantly. 'Well what was the worst part of the operation?', the man asks. 'Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!'
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Sporting Joke
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, 'You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree. ' With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, 'Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall. '
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Old age Joke
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, 'Ma'am did you know you were speeding?' The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, 'What did he say?' The old man yelled, 'He says you were speeding!' The patrolman said, 'May I see your license?' The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, 'What did he say?' The old man yelled, 'He wants to see your license!' The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, 'I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen. ' The woman turned to her husband and asked, 'What did he say?' The old man yells, 'He said he thinks he knows you!'.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Celery ! Celery who ? Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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