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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird electric guitars and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed. Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, 'I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo. ' Perplexed, the stewardess said, 'But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo. ' 'Damn!' replied the blonde passenger, 'I got on the wrong plane. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
Look, guide, here are some LION tracks. 'Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from. '
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Mad Joke
The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (Yes, Guys, these are REAL. )1) Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life 2) Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed 3) Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye 4) Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure 5) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 6) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? 7) I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral 8) I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life 9) I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling 10) I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me 11) I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. 12) I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 13) I Wanna Whip Your Cow 14) I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! 15) I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win 16) I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy 17) I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life 18) I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised 19) I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart 20) I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line 21) If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You 22) If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low 23) If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You 24) If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will 25) If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? 26) Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) 27) My Every Day Silver Is Plastic 28) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus 29) My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart 30) My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him 31) Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You 32) Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill 33) She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft 34) She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 35) She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart 36) She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty 37) Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone 38) They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out 39) Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart 40) When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In 41) You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too 42) You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd 43) You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat 44) You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life 45) You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
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Joke for Dummies
Q: When driving through fog what should you use?A: Your car!
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Idiot and fool Joke
The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, 'How cum yer wearin' two jackets?' ' 'Cause, ' said the redneck, 'the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!'
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Parent Joke
Papa, who was Hamlet? 'You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by . swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better.
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Science Joke
A long time resident of San Francisco is packing allhis stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & askswhat he's doing. 'I'm leaving !' he replies. 'They justmade homosexuality legal. ''So why leave now ?' queries his roomie. 'Gays havebeen part of the scene here for years and years. ''Yeah, I know. ' he replied. 'I'm getting the hell outof here before the damn fools make it compulsory. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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