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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird contact lenses and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job. Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it. The owner replies, 'Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!'Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment. The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling. 'Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. But tell me, what in the world happened to you?''Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it. . . said it fit him great. As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!'
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History Joke
Do you know the 20th President of the United States ? No, we were never introduced !
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Free Adult Joke
A medical mystery. A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. -- Tom Waits A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel. A mind like wet tennis shoes. . . Makes squishy noises when running. A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes. A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body. A notch off the timing mark. A one-bit brain with a parity error. A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on. A prime candidate for natural deselection. A quart low. A return with no gosub. A room temperature IQ. A semitone flat on the high notes. A square with only three sides. A steering wheel / few bolts short of a Yugo. A teapot with a cracked lid. A titanic intellect. . . In a world full of icebergs. A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world. A VGA card and a Herc monitor. A victim of retroactive birth control. A violin minus the bow. A walking argument for birth control. A wind-up clock without a key. About half smart. Afraid she'll void her warranty if she thinks too much. Airhead / bubble-brain. Aliens zapped him with stupidity ray -- twice.
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ! Algy ! Algy who ! Algy-bra !
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Sad Joke
Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything. The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane. Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents. Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters. You remember your kids names, just not always the right one. You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector. Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold. You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work. Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you. You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak. As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again. Youve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classicfor the last time in a generationYoud pay good money to be strip-searched. Wal-Mart and target seem to share your fashion sense. The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer. You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bagin less than five minutes. You know what Earth Shoes are. You think if you hear Stairway to Heaven one more time your head will explode. Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely. On Saturday night, when your wife mentions hot oil, a little friction, and squealing, you tell her youll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.
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Situations Humor
Girl woke up in the morning after a party and found an Elephant in bedbeside her. She said 'I must have been tight last night'The Elephant said 'You were the first time but second time was'nt so bad'Sent by lcg
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Bumper Stickers - 5
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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