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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird candles and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)1: Reply to everything someone says with, 'that's what YOU think!'2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets. (This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - 'are you sure?'(Not recommended at Biker Bars)4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying 'blah, blah, blah, blah'. 5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. (Works even better if your rent a cop uniform. )6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: 'Do you hear that?' 'What?' 'Never mind, it's gone now. ' If they answer you, go to plan 4 above. Be prepared to run real fast :)7: Go to the local electronics or appliance store. Adjust the tint on all their TV's so that all the people are green. When an employees asks what you're doing, insist that you 'like it that way. '8: Drive around your city or town honking at pedestians. Flip them off while driving by. Collect points for reactions:A: They flip you off - plus 20 points. B: They wave at you - minus 10 points. C: No reaction or blank stare - minus 10 points. D: They trip or run into something while staring - plus 25 points. Bonus: If they fall down, give yourself 100 points.
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Celebrities Joke
Stick your tongue out. Move it up and down. Relax. Now move it left and right. Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.
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Weird Women Joke
What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20doesn't?A belly-button!
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Ghost Joke
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler? Eventually the Rottweiler lets go!
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Silliest Joke
Always give 100% at work. . . . . . . 12% on Monday23% on Tuesday40% on Wednesday20% on Thursday5% on FridaysAnd remember . . . . . . . When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off. Now get back to work!
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Doctor Joke
Doctor: Have you ever had this before?Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
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Love and Marriage Joke
In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, 'There, little lady, That's done!' 'Quiet, ' she ordered him. 'You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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