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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird birthday gifts and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ? That hit the spots !
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Journalist Joke
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says 'Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish. ' The photographer went first. 'I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries. ' The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. 'I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries. ' The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. 'And what would your wish be?' asked the genie. 'I want the m both back after lunch' replied the editor, 'the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
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Joke Online
At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, 'No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba'The African surgeon is saying, 'No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm'They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. 'Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is 'Womb. 'After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, 'I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!
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Old People Joke
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light. '
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, am I driving?'
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Joke for Kids
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?A: They both have black roots.
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If you drink, don't park--accidents cause people.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I am not a bum - My wife works
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Legal Humor
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble inthe countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, 'There might be a problem. You see, I only have room fortwo to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn. ''No problem, ' spoke the Rabbi. 'My people wandered in the desert for fortyyears. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening. ' With thathe departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door, and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. 'What's wrong?' asked the farmer. He replied, 'I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There isa pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal. 'His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes latethe same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. 'What's wrong, now?'the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replies, 'I too am grateful for your helping us out, butthere is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. Ican't sleep on holy ground!'Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled andcomplained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was anotherknock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened thedoor, and there stood the pig and the cow.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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