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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird alarm clocks and other funny jokes |
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Clinton Joke
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
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Legal Humor
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. 'Twelve dollars for the rat, sir, ' says the shop owner, 'and an extra thousand for the story behind it. ' 'At that price, you can keep the story, old man, ' he replies, 'but I'll take the bronze rat. ' The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. . . following him. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a lamp post, grasping it with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay as far as he can throw it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. 'Ah sir, you've come back for the story, ' says the owner. 'No, ' says the tourist, 'I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer '
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Accountant Joke
What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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Joke for Speeches
A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked, 'You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?''Of course I do. It is the Bible. ' the lady replies!'Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?' he asked. 'Oh, Jonah . . . Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible. ' she replied. 'Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?' he asked. 'Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him. ' said the lady. 'What if he isn't in heaven?' the man asked sarcastically. 'Then YOU can ask him. ' replied the lady!
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Bumper Stickers - 1
The first boat people were white
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Pig Joke
Is it true the pigs went over Niagara Falls in a barrel? No, that story's just a lot of hogwash.
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Marriage Joke
In October '1993
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Drunks Joke
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says 'I gotta go use the can. ' So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 . . . 10. . . 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He findshim in there and asks 'What the hell are you doing?' The first drunk repies 'Everytime I flush, something reaches up and grabs my balls. ' The second drunk looks at him and says'Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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