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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird al mp3 downloads and other funny jokes |
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Father Joke
Teacher: What's you name ?
Pupil: Fred
Teacher: You should say 'Sir'
Pupil: OK, Sir Fred !
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil: Life imprisonment !
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family
Pupil: Daddy cat
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Bird Joke
Why does a chicken coop have two doors ? Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
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Science Joke
A guy walks into a bar . . . once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, 'What the heck, I really want a drink. ' So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, 'What's the name of your penis?' The guy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink. ' The gay bartender says, 'I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. ' So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, 'Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?' The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, 'TIMEX. ' The guy asks, 'Why Timex?' The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!' A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, 'So, what do you call your penis?' The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, 'FORD, because quality is Job 1', he then ads, 'Have you driven a Ford lately?' Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, 'The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer. ' The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, 'Why secret?' The guy says, 'because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!'
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Marriage Joke
A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: 'You're what?!?'
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Dog Joke - 1
What do dogs have that no other animal has ? Puppy dogs !
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Gorilla Joke
Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods? They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!
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Relationships Joke
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to asserthimself. 'You don't have to let your wife bully you, ' he said. 'Go home and show her you're the boss. ' The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He wenthome, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, 'From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?''I certainly do, ' said his wife calmly, 'the undertaker. '
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Bed Joke
Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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