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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of weird al albums and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ?
That hit the spots !
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School Joke for Kids
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, 'Who was that??!!''Oh' replies the husband, 'that was my mistress. ' 'That's it, ' says the wife, 'I want a divorce. ''Ok, ' replies her husband, 'but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours. 'Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. 'Who is that woman with Jim?' she asks. 'That's his mistress, ' replies her husband. 'Ours is much better looking. ' says the wife.
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Naughty Joke
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby. Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, 'We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after. ''Well, ' the doctor replies, 'since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus. '
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Joke for Kids
'Ways You Can Tell Your Pilot is on Drugs'10. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares9. In between 'May I' and 'have your attention' there's a 45 minute pause. 8. He's constantly yelling, 'Take that, Red Baron!'7. Shuttle from New York to Boston includes stopover in Colombia6. His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr. 5. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy. 4. Keeps coming on the P. A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers. 3. His wings are pinned to his bare chest2. When you fly over international date line, he yells, 'Dude! We're, like, time traveling!'1. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop
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Fun Joke
How to Annoy People at Work1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inchpaper, 99 copies. 2)Practice making fax and modem noises. 3)Duringmeetings, disassemble your pen and 'accidentaly' flip the cartridgeacross the room. 4)Staple papers in the middle of the page. 5)ALWAYSTYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON 6)type only in lower case. 7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither 8)While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 9)In the memo field ofall your checks, write 'for sensual massage. ' 10)Ask your co-workersmysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about 'psychological profiles. '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
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Law Enforcement Joke
One smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? - ??? - Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't \
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Pensioner Joke
What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma? When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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