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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wedding mc jokes and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: 'Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water'. 'Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?' asks a little old lady, terrified. 'Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs'. 'And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?' asks the little lady. 'Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much'.
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Cowboy Joke
The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury. 'All right!' he raged, 'all right! Who did it? What goldarned varmint painted my horse blue?' The huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie rose from a chair by the door. 'It was me, shrimp, ' he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists, 'what about it?' 'Oh, well, er, ' stammered little Pete wretchedly, 'all I wanted to say was. . . when are you going to give it another coat?'
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Religion Joke
Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. 'Hungry, Seymour?' the Lord asked. 'I could eat, ' said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, 'I could eat. 'Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, 'Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand. ' 'To be honest, Seymour, ' the Lord said, 'for just two people, does it pay to cook?'
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Gorilla Joke
Do Apes kiss? Yes, but never on the first date!
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School Joke
Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank ! Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet !
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Beauty Joke
Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
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Humor Joke
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table. ' The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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