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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wedding master of ceremonies jokes and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Horn Broken . . . Watch For Finger.
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Old People Joke
There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate. Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going. 'How you doing today?', she said to the old man, 'First day I see'. The Old man replied with a nod. In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful. As the two continued to converse with eac h other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, 'My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too. ' 'That's okay. ', said the old man, 'I feel so much better being able to talk to someone. ' Looking into the bowl the orderly said, 'I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!' The old man responded, 'That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow. '
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Funny Joke
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those payments! So I called my baby girl, Kareesha, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, 'Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face. ' So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like. . As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, 'Now what did she have to say?' 'She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy, and to watch the expression on your face.
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Women Joke
Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.
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Sport Joke
Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time? Young player: OK, I'll come back in a year's time!
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Easy to Remember Joke
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, 'Ma'am did you know you were speeding?'The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, 'What did he say?'The old man yells, 'He says you were speeding!'The patrolman says, 'May I see your license?'The woman turns to her husband and asks again, 'What did he say?'The old man yells, 'He wants to see your license!'The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, 'I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen. 'The woman turned to her husband and asked, 'What did he say?'And the old man yells, 'He said he knows you!'
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
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Funny Kids Joke
Jack was in a very full train when a very fat woman opposite said to him, 'If you were a gentleman you would get up and let someone else sit down. '
'And if you were a lady,' replied Jack, 'You would get up and let two other people sit down!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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