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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wedding jokes and one liners and other funny jokes |
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Love and Marriage Joke
Bob is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Bob just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, 'What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?'
'No,' Bob replies. 'I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!'
'Listen,' his friend suggests, 'Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ol' Mother?'
Many weeks go by and again Bob and his friend get together. 'So Bob. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?'
Bob shrugs his shoulders, 'Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends. '
So do I owe you congratulations? 'Are you and this girl engaged, yet?'
'I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!'
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Car and train Joke
Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, 'Taxi!'
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Sports Humor
What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?Don King.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.
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Joke for Kids
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. Shepasses a person who asks, 'Where did you get that?'A: The pig says, 'I won her in a raffle!'
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Sad Joke
A recent survey shows that the commonest form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: 'You're WHAT?!?!?'
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Miscellaneous Joke
The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground! The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from crashing! As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane. Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds. As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight. 'Those weren't midgets, ' the pilot replied. Those were Texans with all the shit scared out of them!'
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Police Joke
A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?' The first cadet answers, 'That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!' The seargent says, 'Well. . . uh. . . That's because the picture I showed is his side profile. ' Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second cadet and asks him, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?' The second cadet smiles, and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily responds, 'What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!' Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third cadet and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?' He quickly adds, 'Think hard before giving me a stupid answer. ' The cadet looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, 'The suspect wears contact lenses. ' The seargent is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well, That's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that. ' He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. 'Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?' 'That's easy, ' the cadet replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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