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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wedding emcee jokes and other funny jokes |
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Blonde Joke - 2
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L. A. ? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what?
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Computer Joke
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, 'Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go. ' Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, 'Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?' Looking slightly puzzled, God said, 'Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?' Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, 'I think I'll try Hell f irst. ' So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell. When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. 'This is great, ' he thought, 'if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven. ' Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity. Time passed, and God decided to check on t he late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons. 'So, how is everything going?' God asked. Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, 'This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place. . . . with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women? 'That was the demo, ' replied God.
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Vampire Joke
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.
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Dance Joke
What do baby swans dance to ? Cygnet-ure-tunes !
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Legal Humor
The bartender asks him 'What'll you have?'. The guy answers, 'A scotch, please'. The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars', to which he replies 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this'. A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration'. The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again'. The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, 'What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!'. The guy says 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life', to which the bartender replies 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double. 'To which the guy replies 'Thank you! Make it a scotch. '
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Dirty Joke
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. 'Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction'I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:'Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction'.
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Simple Joke
A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application. As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held. 'I must say, ' says the executive, 'your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job. ' 'Yes, ' says the lady. 'Well, ' continues the executive, 'there's not much positive in that. ''Well, ' says the woman as she pokes the application. 'At least I'm not a quitter!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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