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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of wedding advice jokes and other funny jokes |
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Lawyer Joke
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he?d had enough. The bartender said, 'I?ve got to ask you. What?s with the pocket business?''Oh, ' said the man, 'I have my lawyer?s picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I?ve had enough. '
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Old Age Joke
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning and the old gentleman said to his wife, 'Just think honey, we've been married for 50 years. '
'Yeah,' she replied. 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. '
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here as naked as jaybirds fifty years ago. '
'Well,' Granny snickered, 'What do you say. . . should we?'
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago. '
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps, 'One's in your coffee and the other one's in your oatmeal. '
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Horse Joke
What do you call a horse that plays the violin? Fiddler on the hoof!
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Law Enforcement Joke
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, 'I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia. 'As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, 'Well. . . OK. . . but don't let me catch you speeding again. '
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Book title Joke
Pig Breeding by Lena Bacon
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Military Joke
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. 'Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft, '' the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, 'because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump. ' 'You've got it all wrong, Major, ' an Air Force sergeant replied. 'The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary. '
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Relationships Joke
A fellow's wife was very worried about her husband's heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped from behind a headstone. 'Ooooooo!' she wailed, 'I am the Devil!' He sticks out his hand. . . 'Put it there, pal, ' he says, 'I am married to your sister. '
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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