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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of watch funny video and other funny jokes |
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Gorilla Joke
A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone Who's a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says, ''What are all of those for?'' The animal control officer says, ''I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists. '' The man asks, ''What is the gun for?'' The animal control officer responds, ''If I fall first, you shoot the dog!'''
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Comedy Joke
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
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Mental health Joke
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, 'Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?' The patient calls back, 'One moment!' and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, 'It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is. ' The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, 'That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?' The patient holds up his wrist and says, 'I suppose I'd just look at my watch. '
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Monster Joke
What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.
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Dumb Joke
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. Bob Hope As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. . . Sir Norman Wisdom Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon. . . smart too late. Mike Tyson You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead. John Mendoza As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer. Robert Quillen People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body. Geoffrey Parfitt
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Dog Joke - 1
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, 'My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?' 'Well, ' said the vet 'let's have a look at him' The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. 'Well, ' says the vet 'I'm going to have to put him down. ' 'Just because he's cross-eyed?' say's the man. 'No, because he's heavy, ' says the vet.
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Funny Kids Joke
What reads and lives in an apple?A bookworm!
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Music Joke
Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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