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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of watch comedy clips online and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I am not unemployed I am a consultant
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Mad Joke
A blonde ran into the hospital screaming. A doctor came running to her aid. To his surprise her ears were badly burnt and red. 'What happened?' he asked. 'I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang, thinking the iron was the phone I put it to my ear, ' she replied. 'Oh no, but what happened to your other ear?' he asked. She frowned and replied 'The jerk rang back!'
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Bizarre Joke
fter all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. ' The first man said. 'You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. ' The agent replies, 'Then youre not the right man for this job. ' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. 'I tried, but I cant kill my wife. ' The agent replies 'You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. ' Finally, it was the womans turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, 'You guys didnt tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair. '
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Irish Joke
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, 'For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!' At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: 'Just plant your potatoes. '
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Spoof Joke
Knock knock. - Who's there?Owls. - Owls who?That's right! Owls hoo!
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Humor Joke
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting 'Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen' over and over again. Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood. He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, 'Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen. . . '
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Humorous Joke
There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket! The very angry looking Genie said, 'All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!' The surprised man said, 'OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii. ' The genie replied with a smirk, 'Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it wou ld take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen. ' The man said, 'Fine then, I want to understand women. ' The genie said, ' Would you like two lanes or four?
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Bar Joke - 2
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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