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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of w32 silly and other funny jokes |
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Business Joke
A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie. . . . But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, kid, ' says the genie. 'You know how it works. You have three wishes. ' 'I'm not falling for this. ' says the man. 'I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!' 'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway! ' The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. 'OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink. ' ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. 'OK, kid, what's your second wish. ' 'My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams. ' ***POOF*** The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. 'OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!' After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: 'I wish that no matter where I go a beautiful woman will want and need me. ' ***POOF*** He's turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's going to be a string attached s omewhere!
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Computer Joke
Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support waiter. Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now! [waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check] Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [waiter leaves. ] Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! The check: Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5. 00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2. 50 Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1. 00
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms. ''
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Children Joke
Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test? Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.
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Car and train Joke
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to get away from the crime scene.
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History Joke
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas ? His wife !
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Bible Joke
And Jesus said unto his disciples, 'Whom do men say that I am?' And His disciples answered unto Him, 'Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch. ' And Jesus said, 'What?'
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Instrument Joke
Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony. However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house. However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders. The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk. Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out. One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell. Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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