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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of vince vaughns wild west comedy show and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. 'What is the big brass gong and hammer for?' one of his friends asked. 'That is the talking clock', the man replied. 'How's it work?' the friend asked. 'Watch', the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall. . . 'KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two o'clock in the morning!
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Law Enforcement Joke
Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids. . . . alone. 9. He refers to you as 'Our Little Mascot. '8. The job description in your contract includes 'crash test dummy' and 'pepper-spray test subject. '7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol. 6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up. 5. He lied to you about an 'officer exchange program' and put you on a plane to Siberia. 4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public. 3. He makes up 'missing persons' and then sends you to look for them. 2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner. 1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!
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Dirty Joke
What's the speed limit of sex?68 cause at 69 you gotta turn around
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Cow Joke
What is a cow's favourite TV show ? Dr Moo !
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Mad Joke
What does a bee do with it's stinger before he goes to bed???He put's it in his honey!!
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Satire Joke
Ladies. . . read and heed!SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about 'us' and 'the relationship. ' We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask. We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that. No, you can't have the remote control. Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to. Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation is not. Check your oil. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers. Share the closet. Share the bathroom. Your brother is an idiot. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. You have too many shoes. You have enough clothes. Anything you wear is fine. Really. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Dogs are better than cats. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, its just like every other cat. Don't make us guess. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
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Dirty Joke
Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
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Dumb Joke
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. . . just a pair of pants. 'What the hell are you supposed to be?' asked the host. 'A premature ejaculation. ' said the man - 'I just came in my pants!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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