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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of very naughty jokes and other funny jokes |
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Funny Famous Joke
Seems my latest Freudian slip came just as my wife arrived back from a week-long business trip in Toronto. As she grabbed her luggage and headed off, she asked, 'Did you miss me?'I replied quite innocently, 'It's been so hard without you. '
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Marriage Joke
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee. 'Amazing, ' said the shocked husband, 'simply amazing ! I just can't believe it. ' 'What can't you believe ?' asked the detective, 'It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log. ' 'I know, I know!' said the man, still in shock, 'I just can't believe my wife could be that much fun. '
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Joke of the Day
Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, 'Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant. ''But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things. ''True enough, ' said Mrs. Whembleton. 'If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!'
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Dirty Joke
A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, 'How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way. ' The doc said, 'I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week. ' So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before. ' He tore off his pants and said, 'Look at this. It's still in the crate!'
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Stand Up Joke
Q: What do you do when you notice a blonde on the street? Ans: Nothing. Do they exist?
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Foreigners Joke
Two English sheep in a field. One says to the other 'I'm not feeling very well'The other turns around and replies'Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you'll get us all killed'Sent by paully
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Kids Puns
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. 'What's going on?' Ed asked one of the crowd. 'We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine, ' he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. 'Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can. 'I can do that!' Ed said confidently. 'No you can't, ' said Ted. 'I sure as hell can!' said Ed. 'You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster, ' said Ted. 'Watch this, ' said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. 'Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?' Ted asked. 'Remember three months ago, ' Ed said. . . 'When my wife had whooping cough. . . ?'
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Village Idiot Joke
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, 'What are you charged with?''Doing my Christmas shopping early sir', replied the defendant. 'Well that's not an crime', said the judge! 'How early were you doing this shopping?''Before the store opened', answered the prisoner.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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