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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of very funny clean jokes and other funny jokes |
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Mary, and the teacher said, 'Very good, ' and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior, ' but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary, and the teacher said, 'Very good, ' and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn th ing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
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Aviation Joke
A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. 'I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this. 'After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, 'I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Attila ! Attila who ? Attila you no lies !
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Elephant Joke
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ? Trunkquilizers !
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
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Farming Joke
A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, 'Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?'Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, 'Naw, these are soybeans. ''You don't understand, ' said the preacher. 'Are you a Christian?'With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, 'Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here. 'The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, 'Are you lost?''Naw! I've lived here all my life, ' answered the farmer. 'Are you prepared for the resurrection?' the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, 'When's it gonna be?'Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, 'It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day. ' Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, 'Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days. '
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Dog Joke - 2
Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down? One good turn deserves another.
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Bible Joke
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. 'A priest. Somebody get me a priest!' the man gasps. A policemanchecks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. 'A PRIEST, PLEASE!' the dying man says again. Then out of thecrowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. 'Mr. Policeman, ' says the man, 'I'm not a priest. I'm not evena Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth'sCatholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listeningto the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man. 'The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to wherethe dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and saysin a solemn voice:'Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72. . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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