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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of ur mama so fat and other funny jokes |
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Romance Joke
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrowattention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eightsharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat downat a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinklein his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining roomand seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and hervoice weak as she ordered toast and coffee. The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby forhis morning cigar. As the waitress approached with the bride's toast and coffee, she said, 'Honey, I don't understand it. Here you are a young bride with an oldhusband, looking like you've encountered a buzz saw. ' 'That guy, ' said the bride, 'double crossed me. He told me he saved up for60 years and I thought he was talking about money!'
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Letter Joke
An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute, ' he said, `you've written the address upside down. ' `I know, ' said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia. '
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Best Joke Online
Temperatures60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat. 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 degrees - Italians cars don't start. 32 degrees - Water freezes. 30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia. 25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming. 20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south. 15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going. 5 degrees - American cars don't start. 0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts. -10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside. -15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist. -20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start. -25 degrees - Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to get the driver going. -30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start. -40 degrees - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you plan your trip South. -50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window. -80 degrees - Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game. -90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets. -100 degrees - Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all. Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button. Santa moves operations to Panama.
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Cat Joke
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
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Weather Joke
Why did the weather want privacy? -It was changing
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Dirty Joke
Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot? A: 'How Come?'
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Totally Weird Joke
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket cart?A: The supermarket cart has a mind of its own.
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Village Idiot Joke
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?USA Today:WE'RE DEADThe Wall Street Journal:DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDSNational Enquirer:O. J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAINPlayboy:GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft Systems Journal:APPLE LOSES MARKET SHAREVictoria's Secret Catalog:OUR FINAL SALESports Illustrated:GAME OVERWired:THE LAST NEW THINGRolling Stone:THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOURReaders Digest:'BYEDiscover Magazine:HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?TV Guide:DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!Lady's Home Journal:LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW 'ARMAGEDDON' DIET!America Online:SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc. magazine:TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSEMicrosoft's Web Site:IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777. EXE
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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