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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of umar sharif comedy and other funny jokes |
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Comedy Joke
At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, andthere he is again. . . Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, you have enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once. You're a great lover, Morris!'Morris, looking somewhat befuddled, turns to Luanne and says. . . 'WHAT?. . . You mean I was here already?!'
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Romance Joke
Question: What's the penalty for bigamy?Answer: Two mothers-in-law
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Dog Joke - 2
What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best? Lap-top!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Andrew.
Andrew who?
Andrew all over the wall - the naughty boy!
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Stupid Blonde Joke
A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, 'I've kidnapped you. ' She then wrote a note saying, 'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $'10
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School Joke
Rabbit's Ph. D. Thesis: A Parable for Graduate StudentsScene: It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outsidehis burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk. Fox: 'What are you working on?'Rabbit: 'My thesis. 'Fox: 'Hmmm. What's it about?'Rabbit: 'Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes. '(incredulous pause)Fox: 'That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes. 'Rabbit: 'Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me. 'They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, therabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit. Wolf: 'What's that you're writing?'Rabbit: 'I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves. '(loud guffaws)Wolf: 'You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?'Rabbit: 'No problem. Do you want to see why?'The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbitreturns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Scene: Inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth. (The End) Moral: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.
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Computing Joke
An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano!Memory was something that you lost with ageA CD was a bank account!And if you had a broken disk, It would hurt when you found out!Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a fileAnd if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fireHard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse livedAnd a backup happened to your commode! Cut--you did with a pocket knifePaste you did with glueA web was a spider's homeAnd a virus was the flu!I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my headI hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!
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Computers Joke
A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. . . 'And lead us not into temptation', she prayed, 'but deliver us some e-mail, Amen. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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