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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of truly tasteless jokes online and other funny jokes |
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Animal Joke
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions. The police chief asks, 'What were the people doing on the bus?'The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun. The chief asks, 'Yeah, but what else were they doing?'. The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle. The chief says, 'Oh! They were drinking, huh??!' The chief continues, 'Okay, were they doing anything else?'The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking. The chief loses his patience, 'If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?'The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.
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Food Joke
What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !
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Foreigners Joke
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long KeshPrison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. 'ForHeavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried theGUNS!!!At 4 A. M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug upthe entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote tohis son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. Hisson's reply was: 'Just plant your potatoes. '
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Joke for Speeches
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad. . . 'Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?''Why that's because your from Kentucky son. ' The dad responses. The next day the kid gets home from school. . . 'Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?''That's because you're from Kentucky son. ' The dad tells him again. The next day the kid busts through the door. . . 'Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?'The dad looks at him and says, 'No that's because you're 22. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Andrew ! Andrew who ? Andrew all her money out of the bank !
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Christmas Joke - 1
Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!
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Just for Laughs Joke
Knock Knock!Who's there?Banana!Banana who?Knock Knock!Who's there?Banana!Banana who?Knock Knock!Who's there?Banana!Banana who?Knock Knock!Who's there?Orange!Orange who?Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!
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Just for Laughs Joke
There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. So he said to the lady, 'Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat. 'Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, 'You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!'So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. 'Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?'Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, 'You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!'So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, 'Move your mutt lady!' The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally he'd had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief until the man accross the isle said, 'You damn Americans, you do everything wrong!You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and NOW YOU THROW THE WRONG BITCH OUT THE WINDOW!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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