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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of toilet humor cartoons and other funny jokes |
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Elephant Joke
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ? An elephant with spare parts !el
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Simple Joke
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes, ' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now. ' 'Well, ' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter. ' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter, ' the professor ansvered. 'Im am not Saint Peter, ' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas. '
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men?Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.
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College Humor
Why can't Santa have children? He only comes once a year.
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Joke for Kids
A Polish guy is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women. 'Excuse me, ' he says, taking the guy aside, 'but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?''Maybe I can help a leetle beet, ' says the Frenchman. 'What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way. ' 'Wow! Thanks!' says the Polish guy, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So he goes back to the Frenchman. 'I'm sorry to bother you again, ' he says, 'but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl. ''Okay, ' says the Frenchman, 'I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way. ''Thanks!' says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman. 'Look, ' he says, 'I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?''Well, ' says the Frenchman, 'maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?'
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Aardvark Joke
What do you call a boxing match between two aardvarks? A snout bout!
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Simple Joke
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God. . . I could be eating a slow learner!'- Lynda Montgomery'If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. '- Johnny Carson'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. '- Paul RodriguezAnd from George Carlin. . . If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?What's another word for thesaurus?If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the doctors?Why do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?Is it ok to go door-to-door selling 'No Soliciting' signs?If it was a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?Why is back pain medication always on the bottom shelf?If talk is cheap, why is my phone bill so high?If someone comes up to you and tells you that they're an obsessive compulsive liar, how do you know they're telling the truth?How can you tell if Don King is having a bad hair day?Should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how do you know if it's wrong?Do bleached blondes just pretend to have more fun?Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?Why are the other lines always moving faster-until you get into one of them?How can a person get a life sentence & be eligible for parole in 15 years?
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Horse Joke
What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Jockey and Jill!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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