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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of thrussington fun run and other funny jokes |
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Music Joke
Q. What's the definition of a quarter tone? A. A bagpiper tuning his drones.
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Romance Joke
'Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market, ' said the man. 'Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically, 'remarked his friend. 'I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enoughfor me. '
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Short Stupid Joke
A man went to the market this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, 'I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses. 'The clerk behind the counter said, 'Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods. ''Really?''Yes sir. . . they're called bullets!'
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Accountant Joke
How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in after 8. 30.
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School Joke for Kids
There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers. After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was. Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, 'wait a minute. . there was a golden toilet!!' Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet. This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, 'do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?' and the bartender said to another person that was there, 'hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!'
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Political Joke
At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being 'lifeless as a statue. ' 'That is absurd, ' Gore stoically stated. 'When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am. ' Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, 'Honey, you have a pigeon on your head. '
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Dirty Joke
A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson 'do you sell vibrators'. Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: 'Well, how do you turn the damn things off!'
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Music Joke
A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, 'May I please see your permit?' I don't have one, ' confessed the musician. 'In that case, you'll have to accompany me. ' 'Splendid!' exclaimed the musician. 'What shall we sing?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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