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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of the joke shop farnborough and other funny jokes |
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Computing Joke
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt. lite. bulb. 69 to demand that cross posting to alt. grammar, alt. spelling and alt. punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, 'Me Too. '6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the 'Me Too's' and happily add, 'Me Three!'3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to propose new alt. change. lite. bulb newsgroup. 24 to say this is just what alt. physic. cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt. lite. bulb.
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Mental health Joke
Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem? Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes. Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself. Patient: Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?
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Easy to Remember Joke
An Ancient Greek man walks into a tailor and holds up a torn tunic. TAYLOR: 'Euripides?' (You-rip-e-dees) MAN: 'Eumenedes??' (You-men-e-dees)(Say it quickly, it works!)
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Bath Joke
Dr Frankenstein: I've just invented something that everyone in the world will want! You know how you get a nasty ring around the bathtub every time you use it, and you have to clean the ring off? Igor: Yes, I hate it. Dr Frankenstein: Well, you need never have a bathtub ring again! I've invented the square tub . . .
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Worlds Best Joke
What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?Lefty.
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Joke of the Day
Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent? Doctor: Yes there is - being young and broke.
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Situations Humor
'Dad, can i ask you something?' 'Sure! What about?' 'You see, I'm already fourteen and. . . I think it's just proper that i should own one. ' 'And what is this 'one' you're referring to?' 'Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?' 'No. ' 'My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention. ' 'Nope. ' 'It will be just proper at my age. . . ' 'I said no way. . . !' 'But all of my friends wears. . . . . . . !' 'David! How many times shall i tell you that bras are for girls!?'
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Bird Joke
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ? She lays hand gren-eggs !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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